Wednesday, August 24

Wake up Wednesday

There's a blog I follow on a regular basis called I am Momma Heat Me Roar.  I read it the first time because she does some of the neatest crafty things for boys- and if you have boys, you know how hard it is to find really cute, but masculine craft ideas for boys.  Cheri is interesting, creative, and godly.  It's a nice mix.  

Every Wednesday she does a thing called Wake Up Wednesday where she challenges her readers, and herself, to do something small but kind for other people.  You might want to watch the video here to hear a bit more about it.  I usually pay attention to what she is doing, but I rarely try to meet the challenges because I seem to forget.  Life gets busy.  

This morning I woke up before the kids, which is a little unusual, so I had some spare time.  I decided to go ahead and check my email and read through some blogs, and I checked out Cheri's post this week, and her challenge was this:

This week's challenge is to do one thing you've been meaning to do for several months.  I hate it when I have something that keeps getting put off.  It makes me feel so bad when I stop to think about it.  It may be writing a kind note you meant to write a long time ago.  It may be returning something you borrowed a while back even though you feel stupid for still having it.  It may be paying someone back.  It may be something big or small.  I'm going to make a little list and try to check off a couple of those items.  It always feels so good to finally accomplish something you've put off.

And there's this thing that I've been meaning to do.  For months.  And it's gotten a little embarrassing and problematic at times, but I just didn't want to deal with it.  I was afraid of how I would feel, of what it would look like to other people.  I'm sometimes bad about procrastinating and then too much time passes and I feel really dumb.  

The truth is that I feel like someone is going to finally notice that I'm not an adult and I have no business being a mom or being in charge of these kids or being married.  I still feel like that gawky teenager with braces and a serious lack of responsibility.  I know that everyone says that they feel this way, and maybe they do, but there are times when this insecurity eats me alive- like when I've put something off for too long and it becomes awkward to actually correct the mistake.  

I made this shirt with bleach and embroidery floss.  How clever!
But I like Cheri.  I don't know her or anything, but I like her.  I know she probably doesn't live a magical existence, but she makes me feel like I could accomplish something, even if it's just a little something.  I've made shirts for Jonah that were inspired by her blog, and I've felt less alone as a woman who has small children.  

So I did it.  Or, at least, I took the first step toward having the awkwardness over with.  It makes things a little better than they were.  I don't feel so bad.  I don't feel so inept and inadequate.  It wasn't easy, and I imagine that it will be just as awkward when I have to really dig in a deal with it, but it was worthwhile.  It was worth it just so I wouldn't feel so bad about myself and my shortcomings every time I thought about it.  

So I'm sharing Cheri's challenge this week, and maybe next week.  What will you do?


Rose Arrowsmith DeCoux said...

Good for you, Chara! I've been feeling procrastination lately and I thought I was done with that--it totally makes me feel about 13 years old, too!
I hope you're comfortable sharing about what you're dealing with--sometimes disclosure helps it seem more manageable. I hadn't wanted to post any photos of our new place online until it was cute and clean... and in the end I did it anyway, dirty dishes and all. I felt SO much better for not trying to pretend I was perfect, and it actually helped me do the dishes.
I think what I need to do is schedule an Artist Date. I haven't done one in months, and I'm kind of scared that my inner artist child is going to throw a fit once I give her some space.

mtnman said...

This reminds me that we need to schedule story concerts by you for me and the kids. More work for you, but Jonah would especially enjoy this.