Since I can't seem to sleep beyond 7 am much anymore I am awake before Josh or Jonah. My natural inclination is to wake Josh up and try to keep Jonah sleeping as long as possible, but Josh has nowhere in particular to be, and honestly, neither do I. I've certainly got a to-do list for the day, but until Jonah has to be at school, we're basically free. So I am letting them sleep and I'm not worry about all the stuff i haven't gotten done yet.
I think this must be the hardest part of pregnancy for most women- those last few weeks when it seems like the timer is ticking so loudly and you are uncomfortable and nervous. You just want to get things going. It's the waiting that makes it so hard.
Since I want a natural, intervention-free birth it's even harder to wait. I still remember the midwife I'd never met before trying to schedule an induction last time. I wasn't even a week "overdue" at that point and it made it so much worse. I spent days trying everything to make Jonah come. But then I had a lovely evening out with good friends and good food and a movie and the next day he decided to come. It seemed that he needed me to relax and let him come when he was ready. This is a lesson I still find myself struggling with as a parent. Patience.
It makes me wonder about God. Does He look at us and just want to give us a huge shove in the desired direction? I realize he's perfect but that desire to see your children make good, healthy decisions is so difficult to stifle sometimes. It makes you want to take over for them. I have to say I like my free-will, though.
The bed linens are on. The clothes are washed and sorted. Jonah is as prepared as I figure we will ever be able to prepare him. The bags are packed. Phone numbers are written down and ready. I feel like a beached whale. My due date isn't until the 31st but people are already asking me, "Are you still here?" So where is Sweet Caroline?
I was reading an article encouraging women not to induce and it had a different slant on things. The author pointed out that the baby isn't really likely to grow more than a pound or so in the last three weeks, but there is a phenomenal amount of brain development going on during that time. That's when your baby learns to self-soothe and learns sleeping habits and all sorts of other things that become pretty important in the first few months of life. It can make a big difference in the kind of baby you deal with in those first few weeks. Her point was- let them learn those things in utero while you can still sleep at night (at least sort of) and have a much calmer beginning. Thinking of it that way has made it easier for me to be patient. Patience has all kinds of rewards that we aren't aware of.
It's morning. I'm listening to the birds sing outside and enjoying the overcast light and my green yard. I would make coffee if it wouldn't wake Jonah or give me heartburn. It seems like a coffee kind of morning. It seems like the kind of morning to take things slow and easy. To enjoy the quiet time, and appreciate this momentary freedom. A good time to be patient.