Saturday, March 18
The end of the day
Many things affect the way we think about ourselves. A while back I had a whole post about the weirdness I felt in the changes my body had undertaken, and I feel very similarly about my hair. I can't quite say why it is that hair can affect us so much. It's an odd thing. It both decorates and sheilds us from the world around us. without it there is a sense of being naked- of others being able to see more of what is inside our head without having our hair to hide it- or to hide behind.
In Johnson City I had a friend who came to Bible study occasionally. We were talking about trying circumstances one night and she told us all about how she shaved her head (I think it was on a dare, or bet) when she was in High School and how she had to deal with some major depressive issues afterward. It was as if a part of her had been violated- and worse, she did it to herself, and could not take it back.
In the process of dealing with life changes (moving, weird work situation, isolation, sudden availability of my family, the sudden reality of non-school related life) I think I find it all the more disturbing that I have lost my curtain to hide behind. I like things orderly and neat and this haircut is anything but- in both style and in it's affect on my routine. This is disturbing to me because I'm meeting all sorts of new people and making new impressions and trying to find a whole new support system. It's scary for me.
So I'm seeking balance- a positive outlook to balance my dread of being in public with (yet another) reason to feel self-concious.