As a mother I often feel like I am powerless. I read the books, listen to all the advice, seek out ideas on what works best- and yet. And yet...
I have managed to completely fail at all the basic schedule stuff. Maybe it's because I am not good at keeping track of the time, but keeping Jonah in a consistent routine has been somewhat problematic. Also, he is stubborn. Sometimes he just decides he doesn't want to go to bed for a nap, so he just doesn't.
I should have started him napping in his own bed at set times when he was tiny- without me rocking him to sleep and cuddling him... and worst of all, nursing him. I should have... and yet... I didn't.
Nursing has been a wonderful, easy experience for me. It wasn't without it's mystery to begin with, but when I'm feeding Jonah and he looks up and me and grins... I get teary just thinking about it. I guess it's because he's still dependent on me, and I like it. Well...
I don't like it at 3:00 in the morning when I haven't been sleeping and Jonah hasn't been napping and there are three million things to do so I didn't go to bed when I should have, and I'll probably be tired when Jonah wakes up in the morning... in my bed, because I'll be too tired to put him back into his bed after I finish nursing him back to sleep.
Argh. It goes on and on.
So last week I decided I couldn't take the night nursing anymore. I'd like to wean him altogether, but he doesn't really eat enough table food for that yet. So after four (four or five?) sleepless nights of telling Jonah that the "Nummies go Night Night!" and trying to convince him that his sippy cup is just as good, we're down to two wakings in the night, both of much shorter duration. Last night would have been much better if I hadn't accidentally mixed his milk and juice in the same sippy cup. He was understandably disturbed by the disgusting mixture and I was running to the kitchen at 3:30 am to rinse his cup out and get him some milk while he screamed at Dad. He eventually calmed down and took the cup from me again. Tonight will go better.
At 14 months I am fixing things I didn't know I should have been doing. It's going well, and hopfully I won't be fixing things at 14 years that I didn't know I should have been doing.
3 comments:
You are a good mom. You are.
don't be so hard on yourself. This sleep stuff is complicated, but you'll get it straightened out.
They are both right - you are a good mom and it is complicated. But let me tell you, the learning never stops. We find we are always questioning decisions we make with them. I think it's because we don't get a parenting book and we have to figure it out as we go. Luckily, you are a fantastic person and a great mother and he'll turn out to be just as fantastic as you. How could he not?
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