On my 235th post I am thinking about other numbers.
2- There's just been the two of us (me and Josh) for a long time. If we wanted to go out and hike around the rhododendron gardens until the wee hours, or take off on a weekend at a cabin, or go listen to Barbara Kingsolver read from her new book- we just did it. And if that meant we drove for 8 or 12 hours, I just brought a book and tried to stay awake while Josh drove.
4 1/2- We've been married for just a little while. Only four and a half years of all this, but it seems like it's always been this way. I'm still learning new things about my husband and just now figuring out that I was wrong about some. More than anything else I'm figuring out how incredibly lucky I am to have such a fantastic man to open my doors and worry about how I'm feeling and to plant tomatoes in our backyard.
1/2- When I was born I was only half of the equation. I was never alone- not even when we started school and we were separated. I wonder what it will be like for this little one not to have a counterpart. I guess it's sort of dumb for me to have never considered it before (it's not like I've never met anyone who wasn't a twin) but I can't imagine what it would have been like for me to not have had that second comforting presence beside me through ever scary milestone in life.
1-You only get one mother, and they make such an incredible impact on your life. I think about all the things that I might say or do that lump might remember that I might not do or say if I knew the impact it might have. It scares me to think about how much of a change I might make with one thoughtless moment.
But then I think about MY mom and there were certainly thoughtless moments, but they seem to fade in the light of all the other moments- like every single time she said she loved me and how she was always right there when I needed her, and when I didn't think I needed her. I just hope my ratio comes out as unequally balanced toward the positive as it has for her.
87- I realized the other day that there is a very short period of time left until I will be giving birth. 87 days from today. That's not very long. There's still a lot to do and take care of and prepare. But I don't think that I will ever be prepared for this. I hoped for this for a long time and now that I am facing an actual countdown of days (a set number of hours and minutes) I'm getting a bit nervous.
We've started childbirth classes and we've read lots and watched videos and I've watched my diet and excercize but it seems like I thought that I would just be pregnant forever. I guess I forgot about the after part. Only 87 days to go and I feel like I need 87 years!