For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self control.
2 Timothy 1:7
We were going over all the verses he's learned in the car this morning and I was trying to get him to learn this one. He was frustrated with it and gave up after a bit. He got stuck on the words "timidity" and "self control."
|Mother's Day 2010|
I can understand because those word frustrate me, too.
Timidity. I tried to explain the concept to him. It's when you're not sure of your self. When you feel a little shy because you're not sure how tings are going to go. That's timidity, Jonah.
What I wanted to say was, It's when you let things hold you back because you're afraid. But it was far too close to the feelings I've been having lately. Timid. I've been feeling afraid and not sure of myself.
He didn't really understand self control, either. That one was easier for me to explain. It's when you tell yourself "no" to things that you know you should do when no one is even looking. That one has been a big one for Jonah lately. When he gets caught acting up he's been fond of saying, But I thought you wouldn't see!
I've felt so convicted lately, that God is asking something big of me. I don't know what that is, exactly, but I know that He's been working on my heart in a few areas. I've been led to believe that I'm not sacrificing enough of my own comfort for Him. I've remembered how close I was to him many years ago, just before I let someone else become a part of my relationship with him. It became the three of us, and not just me and Christ. That someone else let us both down. I've been given an opportunity to speak to a large number of people, and it is terrifying to me. I speak to my students all the time and I'm comfortable with them. I'm afraid of what these people will see of me. Will they see my fear and timidity or will they see how I have not embraced that spirit of self discipline? Will they be able to tell just how comfortable I've become?
But it says that He has already given us a spirit of power, love and self-control. Already. Not "He will."
Jonah finally said the verse. When he got to the second part he shouted the words, POWER! LOVE! and SELF CONTROL!
Something is trying to get my attention.