Nothing to Say

I've been absent a bit.  I've got three or four blog posts piling up in my draft folder.  None of them are coherent or insightful.  Often this blog is a bit of navel-gazing, I suppose.  Often is is a way to refocus myself.

I have a friend, Rose, whom I've only met once, but whom I've come to feel a great deal of affection for.  I read her blog every evening after my children go to bed.  She reflects on life and her child and herself and her life and her time living in India. She is insightful and I often feel less alone.

This evening she wrote about something her husband asked her.  He asked her what she would do first if they suddenly won the lottery.

If you won the lottery, what would you do first?

I can rattle off a list of things I'd do: pay off all the student loans, and house loan, pay someone to come finish fixing this house up, so we can sell it, get a membership at a gym someplace that has babysitting, sign Jonah up for private PreK at the montessori school in the village...  But none of those things are the First thing.

The first thing I would do is go for a run.

I used to crochet a bit, and in some ways, running reminds me of crocheting.  The process is mindless and it allows part of my brain to operate on automatic, while another part of my brain can relax and things become so much clearer.  I am centered.  If it didn't make me so sweaty, I'd probably run before I told stories, or taught class.  I'd probably be more effective.

I am not a fast runner.  I'm not even sure that my form is very good, but I feel good.  I feel alive.

I am introverted by nature.  When I run that need to be solitary is filled.  My need to push myself is filled.

If I suddenly discovered that I no longer had any need for money I would want to go back to the center of things.  The center of myself.  I'd probably still come up with the same ideas to fill the needs of my family that I listed above, but some part of me would still want to be sure.

What would you do first?  What would you do with a windfall?