I can't help myself- I'm still awake. I turned the light off and I tried to sleep but the list of things I have to do just keeps floating around in my head. Tomorrow we are leaving on a 21 hour road trip with an infant and a boy who I hesitate to say, is almost completely potty trained.
Bags are packed, suits and dresses purchased for the wedding, snacks for the car ride packed, rooms reserved, and yet I am still nervous about this trip. So many things could go wrong. I'm having visions of poop, hours of screaming, sleeplessness... more poop. How does a mother control her mind and make it still? Isn't our job to care for our families, and provide for them? There are so many facets to that job that there are times when I cannot find peace enough to sleep at night. How can I be prepared for every eventuality?
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
I'm letting go tonight. I'm trying to let go every night, and every day. I cannot anticipate everything, and I'm tired of trying. While I lay here hoping to think of that one eventuality that will make everything go smoothly... I realize that I will do my job best, if I recognize who is really the caregiver for my family.
No more night owl... At least I'll try.