Tuesday, April 18

Thinking


I have been thinking alot lately about where I am going in my life. I feel comfortable with who I am and where I am going (wherever that may be) but I also wonder about myself as well. I wonder if I am really living intentionally (thanks Ms. Dekraii, for planting that seed) or if I am living a reactionary life. I don't want to look back in twenty years and wonder why I didn't take more control over my own direction. I tend to be very passive and very accomodating- which has it's place- but I think sometimes the things I really want in life seem just beyond my reach- and I am too afraid to stretch myself. If i am completely honest, I decided not to finish my degree as an educator because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to deal with the paperwork and the extra requirements that being a teacher requires. I have no fear of being able to teach or guide- I know how to do that- what I am afraid of is not being capable of the politics and paperwork.

How rediculous. I have worked at NSN for almost a year and there is so much paper and politics that i get ill sometimes. I am perfectly capable of dealing with it.

So I talked to my husband and my mom and myself and to God and I think that I'm going to stretch myself a little bit. It's sort of like Yoga- you stretch and find your balance.

Chara

3 comments:

stefanie said...

God has a way of showing us we can do all sorts of things we think we can't. Remember when you learned how to ride a bike and all of a sudden your dad (or whoever) wasn't holding onto the back of the bike anymore?
I am confident that because you continue to stretch yourself you will never look back with too much regret. ;)

Sara said...

I totally agree about being a little too passive and accomodating at times. I struggle with the same thing. I can definately relate. I just decided to get my real estate lisence and become a broker. Sometimes I feel like it is totally out of my reach, but I guess I'm being driven by the fact that I have something to prove to myself. I think I need to prove to myself that the things I want are most definately NOT out of my reach. I've always thought you to be a strong woman. You can have anything you want.

Olivia said...

Will your stretching yourself include maybe going back to school? Hmmm? If so, I think it's a wonderful idea. I know it's something you can do, handle, be good at - teaching, I mean. (Oh, I decided to make a blog here, too, so check out my page!) We miss you here in JC, but I know your life is going in new directions that will be good for you. Just continue praying, & you know your friends & family support you!