83. My Students- they keep me on my toes and keep me feeling young.
84. Flylady: Laugh all you want. She has these great podcasts that you can listen to while you crisis clean, or do your weekly home blessing hour and some of us just need someone to cheer us on!
85. Spring rains- goodbye pollen, hello green grass!
86. oxyclean- and hello mud.
87. Good friends online that listen to me rant and rave and ask the Magical Secret questions... and don't laugh.
88. Common sense.
89. Good health
90. hindsight
91. air conditioning
92. books.
93. My Mother-in-law
94. Baby giggles
95. rain
96. green grass
Monday, April 25
Thursday, April 14
Beautiful Day
Today I ended a brief hiatus from Facebook. I realized recently that I didn't like the way I was communicating with other people. I was lonely because I only seemed to have contact with other people through this media that made it impossible to communicate with facial expression, warmth, or physical contact. What if I wanted to hug someone? What if I wanted to hold someone's hand. I couldn't.
Being a mother is often very lonely. It's especially lonely when your children are small and getting out of the house involves a U-haul of diapers, juice, snacks, extra clothing, wipes, hand sanitizer, a cup or two, pacifiers, blankets and the like.... On top of that you often feel like you will never get your act together. You find yourself in public with no makeup, or no deodorant, or having forgotten to change out of the blouse with baby drool all over it.
The last few days have been the kinds of days that you feel like you never stop for more than a few minutes, and still you got nearly nothing accomplished, your house is a mess, and you realize at 4:30 that you haven't changed the baby since you dressed her.
A friend of mine posted a link to a blog post about motherhood. One paragraph particularly resonated with me:
"Don't find it strange if you are grieving who you once were or what you used to be able to do.
This is a new phase of your life! You may be able to bring along some of the old you, but you may have to leave a ton of it behind. Frankly, you were probably pretty super, but it is nothing compared to who you will become as you grow in love and maturity...and faith! "
Being a mother is often very lonely. It's especially lonely when your children are small and getting out of the house involves a U-haul of diapers, juice, snacks, extra clothing, wipes, hand sanitizer, a cup or two, pacifiers, blankets and the like.... On top of that you often feel like you will never get your act together. You find yourself in public with no makeup, or no deodorant, or having forgotten to change out of the blouse with baby drool all over it.
The last few days have been the kinds of days that you feel like you never stop for more than a few minutes, and still you got nearly nothing accomplished, your house is a mess, and you realize at 4:30 that you haven't changed the baby since you dressed her.
A friend of mine posted a link to a blog post about motherhood. One paragraph particularly resonated with me:
"Don't find it strange if you are grieving who you once were or what you used to be able to do.
This is a new phase of your life! You may be able to bring along some of the old you, but you may have to leave a ton of it behind. Frankly, you were probably pretty super, but it is nothing compared to who you will become as you grow in love and maturity...and faith! "
And I suddenly don't feel so lonely or so very scattered. I am on a journey, and the particular part of my journey that I am on right now, is called motherhood. I am changing, again, into something new and different. It is painful and sad and exciting and so very rewarding. I've had my second child almost a year ago, and I am still trying to transition my mind and heart to this new phase of life. I'm almost afraid that their childhood will be over before I come to terms with the changes that I have resisted so much. It makes me sad sometimes, to know how slow I have been at understanding how much my life MUST change.
A word, after a word, after a word is power.
So I've been trying to reframe my life, one word at a time. I don't have to change. I get to change. My children are not driving me crazy, they are tired and grumpy, and need a nap. I am not just so very behind, I am doing my best.
To you, I am a little silly, but I prefer to think of myself as powerful.
A word, after a word, after a word is power.
So I've been trying to reframe my life, one word at a time. I don't have to change. I get to change. My children are not driving me crazy, they are tired and grumpy, and need a nap. I am not just so very behind, I am doing my best.
To you, I am a little silly, but I prefer to think of myself as powerful.
Sunday, April 10
What was Jesus like?
This is the question that I spent an hour trying to answer today.
I somehow became the head re-writer for our VBS plays and this year we are doing the death of Jesus. The title is "The Love of the Son" which is great because it gives me the Most Important Thing to focus on.
Somehow I volunteered to write up a short character study for each of the major characters in the play. There are about 30. Okay, maybe just 20... but still.
I've done Peter, Judas, Annas, Caiaphas and today I was working on Jesus. Seems pretty simple, right? Son of God... died for our sins... yadda yadda yadda.
Not so much. The historical/biblical record of who he was and what he did is there, but then I have a section after the basic information that is titled, What was He like? I have this section for each character and it is basically a run-down of known, and sometimes guessed personality traits. Peter was impetuous... Annas and Caiaphas were prideful. Deep stuff.
How do you describe the personality of Jesus?
We've all seen the videos made of Jesus doing miracles or preaching. He's usually very serious and kind looking, but there isn't any personality in him. The Bible isn't much help. It describes him as an unremarkable guy, with nothing that set him apart from other people. Nothing to indicate his deity.
So I started brainstorming. Jesus came, knowing what would happen to him, feeling a deep abiding love for all mankind. He was righteous and good. That's what we get from the wooden portrayals of the Christ. I would also like to think that he was joyful and maybe had a sense of humor. Surely he looked at us the way we look at our children when they are trying to make sense out of complicated ideas. I can't tell you how many times I've laughed at Jonah's funny ways of explaining things.
And then I remembered the smiling Jesus. Have you seen these videos? They are called The Visual Bible: Gospel of Matthew. Jesus isn't some serious, emotionless God. He is a deeply loving savior who submitted himself in love, compassion and mercy. Jesus is played by a man named Bruce Marchiano, and it is a take on Jesus that you don't often see. He is joyful.
I know that Bruce Marchiano is just a guy who is interpreting the bible as best he can, but some part of me feels like he has caught some subtext from the red letters that we tend to miss. Jesus didn't come because it was his duty; he came because he loved us deeply.
I don't often spend a lot of time discussing spiritual matters here, but this seemed to be the thing that was most on my mind tonight. There are a lot of questions and thoughts rolling around, waiting to become part of my overall understanding of God, and a part of the script I am working on.
Jesus wept. I have to believe that he laughed, too.
I somehow became the head re-writer for our VBS plays and this year we are doing the death of Jesus. The title is "The Love of the Son" which is great because it gives me the Most Important Thing to focus on.
Somehow I volunteered to write up a short character study for each of the major characters in the play. There are about 30. Okay, maybe just 20... but still.
I've done Peter, Judas, Annas, Caiaphas and today I was working on Jesus. Seems pretty simple, right? Son of God... died for our sins... yadda yadda yadda.
Not so much. The historical/biblical record of who he was and what he did is there, but then I have a section after the basic information that is titled, What was He like? I have this section for each character and it is basically a run-down of known, and sometimes guessed personality traits. Peter was impetuous... Annas and Caiaphas were prideful. Deep stuff.
How do you describe the personality of Jesus?
We've all seen the videos made of Jesus doing miracles or preaching. He's usually very serious and kind looking, but there isn't any personality in him. The Bible isn't much help. It describes him as an unremarkable guy, with nothing that set him apart from other people. Nothing to indicate his deity.
So I started brainstorming. Jesus came, knowing what would happen to him, feeling a deep abiding love for all mankind. He was righteous and good. That's what we get from the wooden portrayals of the Christ. I would also like to think that he was joyful and maybe had a sense of humor. Surely he looked at us the way we look at our children when they are trying to make sense out of complicated ideas. I can't tell you how many times I've laughed at Jonah's funny ways of explaining things.
And then I remembered the smiling Jesus. Have you seen these videos? They are called The Visual Bible: Gospel of Matthew. Jesus isn't some serious, emotionless God. He is a deeply loving savior who submitted himself in love, compassion and mercy. Jesus is played by a man named Bruce Marchiano, and it is a take on Jesus that you don't often see. He is joyful.
I know that Bruce Marchiano is just a guy who is interpreting the bible as best he can, but some part of me feels like he has caught some subtext from the red letters that we tend to miss. Jesus didn't come because it was his duty; he came because he loved us deeply.
I don't often spend a lot of time discussing spiritual matters here, but this seemed to be the thing that was most on my mind tonight. There are a lot of questions and thoughts rolling around, waiting to become part of my overall understanding of God, and a part of the script I am working on.
Jesus wept. I have to believe that he laughed, too.
Saturday, April 9
The Magical Secret
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| In South Carolina, 6 months pregnant with Jonah. |
One aspect of myself that I hadn't really noticed (but didn't surprise me) was my tendency to constantly try to improve myself, my relationships, my situation... basically everything in my life. It's taken me years to truly admit to myself that I'm never going to read a book, or talk to another person and have them impart to me The Magical Secret.
What is The Magical Secret? It's the thing that makes everything perfect and right. If only we all operated according to The Magical Secret we would never lose our tempers with one another, we would not burn dinner, our homes would be immaculate and we would never want things that we should not have. I don't know The Magical Secret, which is why I am overweight, don't have enough time and disorganized.
Has anyone else ever felt this way?
I am starting to understand that life is not perfect, and I cannot make it so. Relationships are messy, people forgetful, circumstances unpredictable... And it's okay.
The secret isn't magical, and it's not even really a secret. The secret is that life is perfect when we are content. Life is perfect when we are joyful. Life is perfect when we are able to forgive ourselves and others for not being perfect.
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