Fall 2

I love fall, but the change of weather has left me in a funk.  If I am honest, it isn't simply the change in weather but the presence of a climate of coldness and indifference.

I don't know Troy Davis, but the whole story has made me sad.
A friend is keeping a foster child who showed up on their doorstep with nothing but the clothes on her back and I can't help but feel angry on her behalf.
I am starting to think that this country is going to rip itself apart because we have two political parties who are more interested in proving a point, and being right, than doing what is right.
It seems that everywhere you turn, people are taking advantage of one another, often under the pretense of doing good things.

I just keep reminding myself that Psalm 23:4 promises me, "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not fear evil.  His rod and His staff comfort me."  Whatever evil things we encounter, whether is it injustice or selfishness, or even if we are used or mocked, we do not have to be afraid.  He offers us comfort.  The Bible also promises that he is a God of justice, mercy, and compassion.

There are other thoughts that have become themes to me lately.
Repentance
Being a thoughtful parent
Reconciliation

 

Fall

I've always loved Fall the best.  Spring is nice, but summer and winter tend to draw out long and get old.  Fall never gets old.  It always feels like it doesn't last nearly long enough.  I love the smell of cider and fires and turkey and pumpkin bread.  Fall is a time when we harvest all the good from the work we've done.  It is a time of abundance and family.

Thursday there will be a high of 72 degrees.  I will wear a sweater.

Secret Project

The house, just after we bought it. 

It wasn't all that long ago that I came across a blog post on a blog that I follow that smacked me between the eyes.  I was so excited by it that I emailed a link to my husband, which I'm not sure he actually read.  It was an email full of talk about throwing out all of our belongings and excessive exclamation points (this often annoys PR professionals) and it was probably a little incoherent.  I know we talked about it briefly in bed that night, but we haven't talked about it since.  

But I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

We live in a small house.  This is mostly due to financial constraints and the fact that when we bought it, we were a family of three and Josh was more interested in the yard than the house.  We have outdoor space aplenty, but the interior of the house needed a lot of work and it's tight quarters for four (soon to be five) people.

After we got some of the work done, I realized that adding a walk-in closet and second bathroom would never add enough space for all the things we had amassed over the years.  The shed was full of boxes of books that we couldn't bring ourselves to get rid of, but never read.  Eventually a leak forced us to throw some of them out.  How wasteful.

So, after I read Megan's blog about making their home an Oasis (seriously, just go read the post, and the related ones) I started to think about how to make that same kind of place- comfortable and welcoming, rather than cluttered.  I wanted to be more mindful of the utility of our home.  I wanted to be someone who was comfortable being hospitable, even though we had so very little room.  I wanted something different than we had.

But like many other things, it was forgotten.  I could list off all the other things I was preoccupied with, but the truth is that what I wanted seemed difficult and out of my reach.  How could I possibly make it a reality when I was often just grateful to have the toys picked up at the end of the day (forget getting the kitchen cleaned or the laundry put away)?

And that's the other thing... How can I fit one more small person and all of their small person equiptment into my house as it currently is?  The changing table (we mostly use for baby supplies) was moved to our room a long time ago, and since we stopped changing Caroline on it it's become a catch-all for whatever book I'm reading, or thing I don't have time to put away.  How can I be hospitable and welcome others into my home if I can't even welcome my own family?

But something happened.  They call it a drought.  It's hard to spend a lot of time in a beautiful yard when it's 108 degrees outside, and we've had 60 some-odd days of that kind of weather this summer.  So we went to the library and Target and Mardel, but we spent most of our time at home this summer.  And it drove me crazy.  The toys were unorganized (despite my efforts), the closets stuffed, and cabinets were a wreck.  I was having to leave the bathroom doors shut so that Caroline wouldn't pull out all of the toiletries and medicine and towels and drag them all over the house.  I can't tell you how many times a door got left open and I would discover her with a bottle of pills or a tampon in each clenched fist.  I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Not long ago, I reread that post.  I read all the connected posts on the subject.  I started scouring other Mom blogs for organizations and simplification ideas.  I was especially interested in blogs by mothers with large families.  When you have six or seven kids, you get organized or you go crazy.

You know what I figured out?  I have way more stuff than I need.  Why on earth do we have so many towels?  Why do we all have so many clothes?  Why do I have all those plastic dishes?  If my pantry shelves aren't working well, why do I just live with it???

I have slowly started to make changes.  We tore out the shelves in the pantry and bought some cheap some from Ikea.  You know what?  I feel better ever time I look in my pantry.  I can see everything, and it's organized.  I also threw out a bunch of stuff when we started the project, so there aren't out-of-date, or unwanted dry goods taking up space.

The other day I cleaned out the underside of my bathroom cabinet, threw out a tons of junk and refolded all the towels.  Josh installed child safety latches.  I haven't finished cleaning out that bathroom, but it's a small part of a big job that needed to be done.  I broke the house down into small 15 or 30 minute cleaning/purging jobs and I am hoping that I can have most of them done before Christmas.

When I first read that blog post, I could envision my house completely simplified.  I could see it as I desperately wanted it to be.   It completely overwhelmed me.  All I could see was the enormous amount of work that would be required, and the challenge of keeping my kids out of the mess until I sorted through everything.

What a defeated way of looking at things!  This house can certainly bless someone, even if it is still my secret little project in progress.  Most of all it can bless me every time I see small accomplishments.  Small things are often the most powerful.

Wake Up Wednesday

It's Wednesday again.  Last week's challenge was to spread good, uplifting messages, and while I didn't do that on my blog, I tried to do it among friends.  It's hard enough being a young mother without all the negativity, so I made an effort not to say anything discouraging this week to anyone.  It was more than a little hard a few times with my children (yes, I can get frustrated) but I think I did a fairly decent job of trying to only say positive things.

This week's challenge is to pick up trash whenever you see it.  Not the easiest idea, but let me tell you why this one is important.  We went into the library around noon today and Jonah noticed that there was trash on the ground all around the can outside the library.  He noticed.  He pointed it out.  I would have had him help me pick it up, but the can was already very full.  Jonah told me, "You shouldn't throw your trash on the ground.  That's nasty!"

Oh, how I want to have my children understand that it's a kindness to others to do small things! I want him to think of these things himself, so I know that we need to start doing these kind of things together.  I don't know when or where we will be able to do this (maybe the park?) but I'm hoping that Jonah will get more out of this than just picking up garbage.

Rule #5

I had just about had it yesterday.  I was ready to pull all my hair out, or sell Jonah to the circus and use the money to move to Australia, or maybe even lose my temper in a way that I might just regret.  It seems that I couldn't turn my back on Jonah or Caroline for a single second without one of them attacking the other, or dragging out everything in my bathroom cabinets.  They couldn't play near each other, and Caroline wasn't allowed to even look at any of Jonah's toys without eliciting an ear piercing screech that might just have deafened our dog.

I was worn out.  I had almost nothing left hold onto my last shred of patience with either of them.  I was praying to God for 11 am (yes, it was that bad) so my mother would come and watch the kids so I could go teach class.

When I got back from school Caroline was asleep and Jonah was occupied, so I called Amy.  I met Amy in college, but we weren't all that close.  It's just been in the last few years that we've gotten to know each other better through facebook and blogs that I've started to realize that I should have befriended her a long time ago.

Amy has four daughters between 7 years and under 1 year, so I knew that she had to deal with this herself.  I laid it out and we chatted about half an hour before Caroline woke up and I had to go.  She did give me some good advice, but mostly she just listened and commiserated and encouraged me.

Rule #5: Ask for help.

You will not believe how much better yesterday afternoon went.  The kids played nicely and no one came whining to me while I tried to make dinner.  Do I think that there was magic involved?  Possibly, but the magic had to be on me, and not on the kids.  That part all goes back to Rule #3: Set the tone.  The reality is that I needed some help.  I didn't necessarily need a break from the kids, I just needed to be refocused and encouraged.  Maybe some other time I will need a break, or maybe I'll need someone to do something more serious, like come do laundry after Baby X comes in January.  You need different things at different times, but often, what you really need is to get a little help.