Post #399- her name will be Caroline

I was recently interviewed for Storytelling Magazine and during the interview I was asked about my children's names.  Or maybe I volunteered.  I don't remember anymore.  I explained about Jonah's name and then she asked about Caroline's.  

I guess I'm just a big chicken.  If I weren't a chicken I would have insisted on making her first name Story, not Caroline.  But I know what it can be like to have an odd name and Jonah is used to calling her Caroline.  I won't rock the boat on this one.  Her name will be Caroline Story Watson.  I think that's the first time I've typed it all out like that.  

Josh picked Caroline and I gave him a hard time, but I think he knew I liked it from the beginning.  It seems simple and clean, and I'd like her to create her own story- you know?  I can't think of a lot of characters named Caroline, so it's not associated with anything.  It's not overly popular right now, so she won't have a half dozen friends with the same name.  She can be herself, and decide who that is.  

I know that I've said it before, but having a girl is a kind of terrifying thing to me.  Jonah was whole new territory.  Boys aren't exactly something I know how to deal with.  I've been making it up as I go along, and I suppose it hasn't gone too badly.  The unknown wasn't a bad thing.  There weren't any expectations to be met.  

But a girl... Girls are emotional and seem so much more complicated to deal with as they get older.  They need support and understanding- but they don't understand the power they can have.  I want to give that to her- an understanding of how capable and powerful she can be.  

Maybe I should have decided to name her Supergirl?

Instead I am giving her a name that she can define for herself.  Nothing to wild.  Something a shade unassuming that she can assume for her own.  One day she can tell me the story of herself.  

Headboard

So, being pregnant and not having to work this last few weeks has given me a little spare time... mostly to come up with projects that MUST be completed before this child is born.  Nothing too messy- mostly cleaning out closets and making trips to Goodwill.  However, I was sitting in the waiting room two weeks ago and saw this fabulous headboard in a magazine by the Crafty Convict  and I fell in love with it.
We haven't had a headboard since we got rid of our sweet little full-sized bed (the trade-off has been worth it) and sometimes it drives me a little crazy.

I was called back so fast that i didn't have the presence of mind to check the issue, or steal the magazine or anything, so when I got home and started talking about this headboard to my poor husband, he was just at a loss.  I googled the bed, the magazine... I scoured the website to see if they had a picture somewhere.  No luck.

Bless Josh.  I think I had to explain my (terrible) drawing a million times but he built it.  It's not exactly the same- the one in the magazine was white with crown molding around the top and ours it black and very simple, but I like it better.  We're using the underside for storage and the top to display pictures and hold our lamps.  No junk.  All that goes in the shelving on the sides.

***

Almost everything on my list has been completed- everything I can do anyway.  There's just one more thing on my list, and I don't really get to decide when that happens.  I'm not due until the 31st (still 16 days away) and I went 8 days overdue with Jonah.  i could still be waiting in June, as hard as that is to believe.  Still, I've already got people making THE comment.

"Haven't you had that baby yet????"

Seriously, People of the World, no pregnant woman wants to hear that.  Obviously we're still here, or you wouldn't see us.  Obviously we're still pregnant or there wouldn't be a giant bulge under our shirts.  Obviously we're uncomfortable- wouldn't you be?

So, from me and all the other expectant Moms out there- Please, just say something nice about how lovely we look and leave it at that.

A Daughter

"When you realize that you are the woman – you are the woman she is going to hold up against all other women, you are what she will know when she becomes her own woman – you want to be some woman. I mean, you want to be the most amazing woman in the universe."  

This is from a  birth story on one of my favorite birth blogs.  I've been a little afraid of having a daughter.  Perhaps it is fear of retribution when she turns thirteen, or maybe it's just because I've seen the girl's clothing section after they get out of the toddler clothes (do they have to look like tiny hookers?).  Or maybe it's just because my own mother has been such a huge molding force on my own life that I can't imagine being that kind of spectacular woman for someone else.  It's a daunting task.  

I'll meet her in the next few days or weeks, and then it will begin.  My task of mothering a daughter... of being That woman for her.  

That Kind of Morning

Since I can't seem to sleep beyond 7 am much anymore I am awake before Josh or Jonah.  My natural inclination is to wake Josh up and try to keep Jonah sleeping as long as possible, but Josh has nowhere in particular to be, and honestly, neither do I.  I've certainly got a to-do list for the day, but until Jonah has to be at school, we're basically free.  So I am letting them sleep and I'm not worry about all the stuff i haven't gotten done yet.  

I think this must be the hardest part of pregnancy for most women- those last few weeks when it seems like the timer is ticking so loudly and you are uncomfortable and nervous.  You just want to get things going.  It's the waiting that makes it so hard.  

Since I want a natural, intervention-free birth it's even harder to wait.  I still remember the midwife I'd never met before trying to schedule an induction last time.  I wasn't even a week "overdue" at that point and it made it so much worse.  I spent days trying everything to make Jonah come.  But then I had a lovely evening out with good friends and good food and a movie and the next day he decided to come.  It seemed that he needed me to relax and let him come when he was ready.  This is a lesson I still find myself struggling with as a parent.  Patience.  

****

It makes me wonder about God.  Does He look at us and just want to give us a huge shove in the desired direction?  I realize he's perfect but that desire to see your children make good, healthy decisions is so difficult to stifle sometimes.  It makes you want to take over for them.  I have to say I like my free-will, though.  

****

The bed linens are on.  The clothes are washed and sorted.  Jonah is as prepared as I figure we will ever be able to prepare him.  The bags are packed.  Phone numbers are written down and ready.  I feel like a beached whale.  My due date isn't until the 31st but people are already asking me, "Are you still here?"  So where is Sweet Caroline?

I was reading an article encouraging women not to induce and it had a different slant on things.  The author pointed out that the baby isn't really likely to grow more than a pound or so in the last three weeks, but there is a phenomenal amount of brain development going on during that time.  That's when your baby learns to self-soothe and learns sleeping habits and all sorts of other things that become pretty important in the first few months of life.   It can make a big difference in the kind of baby you deal with in those first few weeks.  Her point was- let them learn those things in utero while you can still sleep at night (at least sort of) and have a much calmer beginning.  Thinking of it that way has made it easier for me to be patient.  Patience has all kinds of rewards that we aren't aware of.

It's morning.  I'm listening to the birds sing outside and enjoying the overcast light and my green yard.  I would make coffee if it wouldn't wake Jonah or give me heartburn.  It seems like a coffee kind of morning.  It seems like the kind of morning to take things slow and easy.  To enjoy the quiet time, and appreciate this momentary freedom.  A good time to be patient.